I managed to learn a lot of things over my two years of chasing crack and hos. I’ll try and list the more valuable insights here.
Reese told me no chick ever placed an escort advertisement in Backpage out of a sense of power. Quite the contrary, and to me this is both a profound insight, and neatly explains why so much shit with these bitchez is unintuitive.
Theorem & Corollary: Any providers’ appearance, by which I mean their “becoming visible” as a purveyor of sexual services, whether approaching your car on the street or in a Backpage advertisement, is presaged by a pressing necessity for the chick. Her need is the opposite of power. She’s already in a jam, and stressed from the get go. She’s not sucking strangers’ dicks to pay next month’s electric bill or contribute to her retirement plan. Often the specific “jam” she’s working through is opiate withdrawal, (sometimes only impending[, you fucking greedy junkie bitch]) and sometimes the crisis is not hers but her pimp’s impending withdrawal, but whatever the details, some crisis presaged the advertisement, the overture, the trip out, to engage the public, the customers, the johns; it’s time sensitive. The specific reason for the crisis is irrelevant, the point is the chick is offering services for cash in order to address an immediate crisis.
Now, it’s also important to understand, some crack hos like to sell the idea of “sexual credit” or maybe “Exclusive Coupon for Future Services,” or maybe a Pussy Gift Card, a charming and attractive idea to encourage a possibly inappropriate or uniquely abundant gesture of cash or pharmacological generosity in the wee small hours, and realistically who would ever refuse, in such a circumstance, to take such a coupon, hold it in lustful anticipation until the crack ho’s next appearance. But let’s retrace back one paragraph here real quick. I’ll cash in my coupon the next time my provider becomes visible, but when she is visible, she’s in a crisis, and for her right then, the immediately non-remunerative proffering of service to a coupon-holding former client becomes a completely illogical, counter-intuitive enterprise, and hence the coupon retains no value. It can’t work. She ain’t got time to suck your dick; she’s got work to do.
I have received at least a dozen such special discount coupons, from four or five different bitchez, my favorite ones written in two colors of Sharpie, on hearts cut out of the red construction paper I kept in my office, a cross between a contract and a Valentine. All my girls had learned Valentines well in primary school. Two bitchez used the red hearts, but only one used both Sharpies. I only ever cashed in three, one each from three different bitchez.
Now, here’s how you cash in a Pussy Gift Card. The bitch appears, on BP, or steps to the curb on lower Congress Street or Mellen Street, or she calls, or just arrives at your door unannounced [Believe me, it happens!]. You find out the bitch’s crisis, and you address it, if you want to, and if you can. Most of the time, the crisis can be solved with a $140 gram of heroin; sometimes a half gram is enough, but the price will probably be $100 for the half. Closing the deal will involve delivering the girl the cash and driving her around to her dealer, and then bringing her back to the house, where she shoots heroin into her neck, and then I get her high on my up, and didn’t all three of those crack hos honor their coupons for free services, and suck me off without a question, and can you see the problem here? This marvelous use of the word “Free”? I swear it took a year to figure out that hustle. You pay the bitch and she gives you a coupon to use next time you see her, but you can’t redeem the coupon unless you pay the bitch again! I have to reluctantly admit, I’m not sure whether in similar circumstances I’d refuse to take another of those ass-hustlin’ coupons in lieu of immediate services, because it’s such a lovely conceit. A coupon for free pussy. For free oral sex. Take advantage of this limited time offer. Step right up! Supplies are limited. Operators are standing by. Watch for our ad in BP! I love you, my dumpling, yes and you too, and you.
Bitchez 